How about a book filled with acceptance speeches for all occasions? It could be entitled “Be Prepared” (or something similar) and could give you either the beginning spark for a speech of your own or the whole thing verbatim.

It could include speeches for when you win:

• President of the United States of America
• President of some lesser country (of your choice)
• Nobel Prize (Peace or other one)
• Smaller Prizes (Elk’s Club, PTA, “Best Dad”)

I did some preliminary research, here’s a text file with some awards I found:
award list

Perhaps a little bit morbid, but why not a line of T-Shirts that point out that life isn’t always perfect and happy? Won’t some people want “heavy” t-shirts just to point out the irony of it all?

Here’s a list of slogan ideas:

• My doctor just told me I have 3 days to live
• What does ‘inoperable’ mean?
• My son placed me in this home and all I got was this tshirt
• My wife had me committed and all I got was this tshirt
• Is hair supposed to fall out?
• Bald is sexy, right?
• Ssh! No one knows I am contagious!
• Ebola is a state of mind
• I am terrorized
• Someone bombed my car
• My other car is a bomb
• It’s not ’suicide’ if you set off my explosives
• Autopilot Terrorism
• I only get one chance, so let me get this right
• It’s only Ebola
• Did you get your flu shot? Too bad.
• I forget, how do you spell Alzheimers?
• I can’t feel my legs
• Have you seen my Mommy?
• Have you seen my baby?

How about a line of breath mints called Governmints?

“mmm bureaucralicious!”
“even bigger flavor”
“in incumbent or new challenger flavors!”
“made & approved by the FDA”
“take a bite out of big Governmint”
“only $1,000 for the trial size”