How about a book filled with acceptance speeches for all occasions? It could be entitled “Be Prepared” (or something similar) and could give you either the beginning spark for a speech of your own or the whole thing verbatim.

It could include speeches for when you win:

• President of the United States of America
• President of some lesser country (of your choice)
• Nobel Prize (Peace or other one)
• Smaller Prizes (Elk’s Club, PTA, “Best Dad”)

I did some preliminary research, here’s a text file with some awards I found:
award list

Perhaps a little bit morbid, but why not a line of T-Shirts that point out that life isn’t always perfect and happy? Won’t some people want “heavy” t-shirts just to point out the irony of it all?

Here’s a list of slogan ideas:

• My doctor just told me I have 3 days to live
• What does ‘inoperable’ mean?
• My son placed me in this home and all I got was this tshirt
• My wife had me committed and all I got was this tshirt
• Is hair supposed to fall out?
• Bald is sexy, right?
• Ssh! No one knows I am contagious!
• Ebola is a state of mind
• I am terrorized
• Someone bombed my car
• My other car is a bomb
• It’s not ’suicide’ if you set off my explosives
• Autopilot Terrorism
• I only get one chance, so let me get this right
• It’s only Ebola
• Did you get your flu shot? Too bad.
• I forget, how do you spell Alzheimers?
• I can’t feel my legs
• Have you seen my Mommy?
• Have you seen my baby?

How about a line of breath mints called Governmints?

“mmm bureaucralicious!”
“even bigger flavor”
“in incumbent or new challenger flavors!”
“made & approved by the FDA”
“take a bite out of big Governmint”
“only $1,000 for the trial size”

Sitting through a web conference hyping Web 2.0 and web communities, I realize (yet again) how much I am not that demographic. I have rarely ever chatted, posted to newsgroups, hung out on blogs, etc. So, with the proliferation of MySpace, Facebook and Friendster, why isn’t there a Shutitster which would be a (parody) social network for people who don’t want to be in social network. Similar to some of the pages in those other social networks, the pages/profiles would be a wasteland of empty, default information, outdated items, etc.

The big pitch of the site would of course be the tally of how many millions of people felt compelled by the hype to visit, signed on, created as little of a profile as was required, looked around to decide it wasn’t worth their time, and never returned.

It could have “don’t bug me” buttons, forums/blogs with topics like “coming soon” and “welcome to your blog”.

Why not make a collection of poetry that’s haphazardly created in modern spam email as the authors try to circumvent filters. It can be quite interesting. Like the cut-ups that Burroughs did.

From an actual piece of spam received August 30, 2005 by “Al Zamora”:

“Eskimos will marry the pediatricians. Disney characters sabotage the
directories of hard rock geologists. Square dancers compose lovely
sonnets about karate instructors. Rodents sicken technicians. Campers,
blenders and troglodytes all claim that screen dumpers hate to be mistaken
for aeronautical engineers. Buildings sabotage the directories of Disney
characters! Geophysicists surprise unwed mothers. The Texaco managers
insist that the electricians dance with reptiles.”

November 9, 2007 Update - Found someone who’s doing illustrations of SPAM subject lines. See it here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/linzie/sets/72157602417089145/detail/

From a dream. Inspired by PBS’s infamous Ken Burns documentary
spectaculars…

The Gods of Jazz vs. The Big Names in Baseball

In a live television event. Watch them do battle. See all the action in
the wonder of panned freezeframes. Watch each blow land. Each note crush
the opponent.

And if you liked this, don’t forget to Tivo:
The Civil War Remainders vs. Lewis AND Clark

Elementary school class shares the Nobel Peace Prize as they ended hunger in a small, developing nation with their contributions to the hunger relief program … with image of top ramen being delivered.

Why is virtual reality so unreal? Why are people escaping to online worlds which are never anything like the real world?

Virtual reality should be along the lines of real life, no? With its shares of disappointments, pitfalls, bad choices, all of the ramifications of those choices, etc.

I’m sure that “Ball & Chain” would sell - who wouldn’t want to experience in crisp HD the fun of sitting around in a loveless marriage watching reality tv.

But perhaps we’re actually already living our virtual reality when we sit on that couch and veg out.